Funny Quotes from "Frasier"

"Nothing says I'm sorry like an in-dash CD player and a driver's-side airbag."
-Niles on bribing his wife with a new Mercedes

“I learned if you kiss her too fast, you can get an ice cream headache.”
-Niles, reminiscing about kissing Lilith

“Oh, that’s so strange, I dreamt I was tangoing with Maris.”
-Niles, after he fell asleep with his cheek next to an ice tray

“I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence.”
-Niles, hoping to reunite with his wife Maris

Frasier: "So, how do the calls look today?"
Roz: "Well, we've got a couple of jilted lovers, a man who's afraid of his car, a manic depressive, and three people who feel their lives are going nowhere."
Frasier: "Oh, I love a Monday."
-Frasier ond Roz at work on the radio show

“Lincoln had a brighter future when he picked up his tickets at the box office.”
-Frasier on his career prospects during his first radio show

“From now on I’ll be relegated to the B-list charities: grubby little theatre companies and last year’s diseases.”
-Niles after he wasn’t invited to a benefit

"Don't stare at me, Eddie. I'm a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan."
-Frasier addressing his father's dog after having a bad day

"What brings you to Seattle, the constant rain?"
-Frasier greeting Lilith on their first reunion

Frasier: "Niles, I would shave my head for you."
Niles: "A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year."
-Kind words exchanged between brothers

“Well, it takes an hour to get to the spa, and there’s a two-hour graduation ceremony, at the end of which they’ll all throw their ‘fat pants’ in the air…Let’s say seven o’clock?”
-Niles, discussing Daphne’s graduation from a fat farm

“Big? You were gi-normous! You looked like a snake that had swallowed a
watermelon or a cow or something.”
-Martin, complimenting Daphne on how great she looks coming back from the fat farm

“So, that’s it, huh? No Americans left?”
-Frasier, addressing Roz on her date with a Frenchman